Randolph Bridgeman

rv guy

he bought a used 1976 break-wind 
with shag carpeting and wood paneling
that resembles the inside of
every best western hotel room
that he’d taken his family to
on every vacation they’d ever had
the homeowners association
tells him he can’t park it in his own 
driveway which he does anyway
just to piss off the neighbors
because this is america goddamn it
and its his property
and its his RV
even though its as tacky as last years
vacation pictures that he posted
on facebook of it parked in front of
the gas station made of hub caps
or alabama’s worlds largest open
air flea market
or ralph’s rocky mountain oyster
and corn dog emporium
but this year because of the rising
cost of gas and because he’s the cheapest
fuck i’ve ever known 
he packed up the family and drove
all the way across town to the super walmart
where he set up camp in the parking lot
and spent his days shopping at ross’
or pick and pay
or ricks bargain barn
and his nights on top of his RV
in a lawn chair with a budweiser
making fun of the rednecks

why he don’t flip people off anymore

she kept her right turn signal on for 6 miles
before he pulled around her
stretched across the front seat to roll down
the passenger window so that he could
flip her off properly when his hand
slipped off of the window crank
and his head got stuck between
the passenger seat and the doorframe
by the time he'd gotten his head loose
he'd lost control of the car
and in his attempt to correct
he over corrected
crossing the medium and three lanes
of traffic before plowing into
a bob's big boy sign
that fat red headed burger eating fucker
with the stupid ass grin came off that pole
like an olympic diver in a perfect one
and a half gainer with a twist
and crushed the top of his car
so that it took the mariposa county
emergency response team four
and a half hours and the jaws of life
to cut his dumbass out
then they charged him $8,000 which
caused him to get behind so they
foreclosed on his house
repossessed his wife's car
so she left him
and took the kids
because this was just one more
thing in a long list of stupid shit
that he'd done

Randolph Bridgeman graduated from St. Mary's College of Maryland and is the recipient of the Edward T. Lewis Poetry Prize. He has three collections of poems: South of Everywhere (2005), Mechanic on Duty (2008), and The Odd Testament (forthcoming). contact