Charles P. Ries The 2River View, 7.3 (Spring 2003)
Plumbing for Salvation

I felt the vulnerability women must feel when visiting the OB/GYN.
Legs wide open and buck naked. My vas deferens were being
snipped and soldered shut. A procedure, that would liberate me from
spreading ill conceived seed in fertile thighs.

Ever heard of the Church of The Later Day Saints? the cheery
vas deferen snipping urologist asked.

Well, generally I have. But specifically I haven’t. I mean, I’m not
really practicing any one religion at the moment.
I could feel his heart
skip a beat.

Well then, as long as I’ve got your attention, let me tell you a little bit about it.

Is this legal? I wondered. Doing the Lord’s work during office
hours. Preaching salvation to men who’d just surrendered their
balls in hopes of sexual liberation?
I turned my gaze toward the table
with the surgical scissors, forceps, and cotton gauze.

The handsome urologist chattered on. I listened. I asked questions. I
was ready to go all the way. I would win my family tree a free pass to
the promised land. I became weak. I was compliant. My standards receded.
I told lies to appease him into thinking he’d landed me. I did what I had to do.

As I arose from the Conversion Table I realized I had been set free by a doctor
who sterilized guys while offering them a clear shot at heaven. God does work
in mysterious ways.
CoverPrevious PoemNext Poem 2River